(Not) Another NFP post.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:4-5

So this is a post that has been sitting in my draft folder for weeks now. I started it during NFP awareness week, when I was inspired, and then never got around to editing and posting it until now. That's my life these days...starting things and leaving them unfinished for long periods of time. Oh well! Better late than never, hopefully!

During NFP awareness week, I read several articles about NFP. All of them good, promoting that it is natural, can greatly benefit marriages, very effective, etc. However, I felt there was something important missing in many of the articles that I came across. First I should preface that I believe there is a difference in NFP as a "tool", and NFP as a "mindset". As a tool, NFP is simply fertility information and the things that go along with it, like charts, rules, methods, etc. As a mindset, NFP is openness to life, prayerful family planning, and trusting in God's will. I firmly believe that a couple can be an NFP (in mindset) family and never use NFP (as a tool).  It is an obligation that Catholic couples remain open to life and not use birth control, but they do not have an obligation to use NFP (as a tool). I believe it is a mistake to think or make anyone feel as if NFP (as a tool)  is an essential or even important ingredient to a happy, healthy, and holy marriage. As a tool, NFP is not a good in and of itself, whereas, as a mindset it absolutely is. Within the NFP mindset, generously and prudently discerning to have all the babies you could possibly have, or generously and prudently discerning to limit the size of your family, is all well within the NFP mindset. The number of children is not at all the point of NFP. The point is to glorify God within our families and humbly recognize that all  control is really only in His hands. He has given us a gift in NFP as a tool, but let us never make the mistake in thinking that the information that is available to us through NFP is our ticket for control over when or if life is created. Family size and spacing of children is a very personal topic and should only be between the couple and God, and anyone else whom the couple chooses to include for the sake of counseling.

 In my own personal experience, the rules and tools of NFP have not always been completely obvious or easy to follow or use for one reason or another. I have been in circles where I have felt judged by how many children we have and how closely spaced they are. I also know there is plenty of judgment on the other side, where people may judge a couple as ungenerous or too limiting in their family size. We must stop judging other people! Families are as unique as personalities and they come in all different shapes and sizes. There is no perfect or "right" family size. I truthfully am overcome by the generosity that God has had with us in blessing us with so many children, and in paving the way for them to come into this world. In our first few years of marriage, sadly,  it was hard for us to see it this way. We were influenced by the culture we live in, which emphasizes a specific (small) number of children, perfectly spaced, after having meticulously organized all the other important "life-stuff". In a certain sense, we felt like we were bad at NFP, because we viewed it through the lens of our culture and we saw  NFP primarily as a tool, and not as a mindset. We have a new perspective now. NFP does not fail. Pregnancy is not a reflection of our lack of some information unsuccessfully implemented, or a lack of self control, but rather a gift given in God's perfect wisdom and love. An eternal soul is never an accident.

Perhaps what I thought was amiss in some of the articles promoting NFP recently is that there seems to be too much emphasis on the methods, rules, and effectiveness. I have heard many times that NFP is just as effective as birth control. The truth is, there's no comparison; NFP is about serving God, and birth control is about serving oneself. There also seems to be the idea that these rules and methods are key to increasing intimacy within marriage. It has been our experience that it is not NFP as a tool, but rather NFP as a mindset, and ultimately, the welcoming of each new child into our family, which increases the intimacy within our marriage.

 I have come across a few beautifully written blog posts that explain things so much better than I ever could, so please take a moment to hop on over to the the links below and read them for yourself. They were inspiring to me, and I hope to you too!

http://www.houseunseen.com/2013/04/nfp-doesnt-work-you-have-so-many-kids.html

http://www.catholicsistas.com/2012/05/11/why-you-dont-have-to-use-nfp/

http://www.crisismagazine.com/2011/five-ways-i-dont-love-natural-family-planning

http://www.catholicallyear.com/2014/07/dear-newlywed-youre-probably-worried.html

Our Summer so far...

These days have been just what I had been needing and hoping for. No set schedule what-so ever. We still have a routine, but its relaxed and really just a bare minimum. Lately, I have given myself the OK to let the kids watch a couple of episodes of a show on Netflix while I sit and have my tea and breakfast and mentally prepare for the day. At that point, the kids have usually migrated to something else like reading or playing blocks in the living room, or some other quiet-ish activity. Sometime in there, we will do our morning prayers and get dressed for the day. Usually, it goes well.

We have had play dates at friend's houses, and at parks. We are signed up for the reading program at our library, so the kids and I have been busy reading as much as we can, and taking trips to the library for more books! I have been trying to incorporate more daily Mass into our weeks. Peter and I went on our first ever get-away for a weekend. My mom generously offered to watch the kids the whole time. It was refreshing to get away, just the three of us (we brought Noah), and live life at a slower pace for a bit. My mom also took my two oldest kids to NYC for a weekend to visit my brother, Johnny, and see a bit of the big city. They loved it and raved about it for days after they came home. While they were gone, Gianna and the boys got  to do a few fun things too like a play date,  the movie theater, and the ice cream shop. All around, it was a fun time!

 To kick off the month of July, we celebrated Noah's first birthday. Its really hard to believe that it has been a full year since he joined our family (on the outside), and it was so fun to celebrate him! I always love my children's first birthdays. It might be (one of)  my favorite year(s) to celebrate.

I began a 28 day detox about a week ago. I am trying to get a fresh start with my health and teach myself and family a healthier way to eat. We tend toward healthy eating already, so this isn't a huge change for my family overall, but the program that I am doing for myself has been a moderate but welcome challenge. It involves cutting out many things like caffeine, gluten, dairy, and soy, among other things, but it is chalk full of good lean protein, produce, and a limited amount of  few whole grains, like brown rice and quinoa. The idea is to reboot your digestive system, then after the 28 days, slowly reintroduce the foods you cut out, to see if you are sensitive to anything. I know I may sound crazy, but its kind of fun. Kind of.
The bigger news for us this summer is that  Peter finished (almost... will be completely finished by August!) his thesis for his master's degree, and also, we are finally able to start building our house on the land that we have owned now for almost a year. The building process should start this week! I know we have A LOT of work ahead of us, but it doesn't seem too daunting...yet. We have always had a lot going on, so I don't think this will be too dramatically different from other very busy times. We have survived through having two children a year apart, while at the same time, Peter was finishing up his undergrad degree at MSU, after which, he went on to get his masters degree at Uof M and I continued having babies and homeschooling our 3 older children, while chasing after 3 little ones. We never said we liked to do things the easy way ;) Luckily, we will be able to stay in our current house until we move into the new one, which I know is a major benefit, and makes things 10 times easier than having to move into a rental house, while preparing our current house to be sold. I know many families who have been, or are in that situation, and I truly commend them for it. I don't have what it takes!

So, these are just a few parts of our summer. Life keeps on going, and we are doing our best to keep up. The summer months have been a breath of fresh air to me. Its a wild ride at times, but what a blessing it is too! Please keep us in your prayers as we journey into the realm of house building, and moving away from the only home our children have ever known. We are excited!

Always enough

I was reading a bible story to the kids the other day about the prophet Elijah. The story is about a woman who was starving and only had one handful of meal and a few drops of oil, just enough to make one cake of bread for her and her son. They were facing desperate times. Elijah comes and asks for them to share their food with him. At first, she's bothered that he would even ask, given the circumstances. But when she realizes he is a prophet, she decides to follow her conscience and make him something to eat. When she does, she finds that even though she used the last handful of meal, there is still one more handful at the bottom of the jar. Just enough for one more meal. It becomes clear that God blesses her with always just enough to feed her and her son, and anyone else He sends to them.

I was thinking about this and it dawned on me. That is exactly how God blesses me. He always provides the exact amount of what I need for each day; not more, and not less. I give everything I have to these kids of mine (though not always with out complaining, I must add), and at the end of the day when I think there is just no more of me to give; how will I ever be able to get up and do all of that again tomorrow? I do. I get up. The day rolls on. It unfolds and unravels. Sometimes it is wonderful and fun and exhilarating. Other days it is plain hard, grueling, and exhausting work. But either way, what I have to give to my kids is always just enough. I can only believe that this is God's grace moving, nudging, guiding, carrying me. On my own, I am a mess. There is no better word to describe it. I am overwhelmed easily, do not love chaos, however, I do love orderliness, calm, quiet, alone time. Yeah, that is not my life these days. Not even close. I have never been a morning person. And no, having kids has not made me one. There is a lot of commotion over here. A lot of noise. A lot of mess. God knows all that about me. He knows exactly what kind of person I am. And still, He called me to this life. He blessed me in ways I could have never thought up. He did not bring me to this crazy, beautiful life because He knew I had what it takes. No, He did it because He wanted to give me what it takes. He wants to be my strength. It is precisely in my weaknesses that His strength shines through.  He has stripped me bare, and given me a new name.

While I have never been able to fully trust anyone or anything, I am now faced with the reality that I must trust Him. I still haven't really learned that lesson though. I cannot count the number of times I lay down at night feeling like I didn't do enough for my family, or regretting the mistakes I made, or doubting that I will be able to meet everyone's needs the next day. But each and every day, even though its not easy, I do get out of bed. I never have extra, and it always looks like today will use up all I have. But thankfully, in His loving mercy for me and my family, He always gives us just what we need; enough to keep me on my knees, yet enough to meet the needs of this family. His grace always gets us through each day. Somehow, its always enough.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
-2 Corinthians 12:9

A birthday post

Noah is one! I cannot believe how fast his first year has gone. I say that with each child, but maybe its even more true with him. No matter how hard I tried to grasp at it and keep it forever, his first year literally flew threw my hands. I have enjoyed every moment of his infancy, and while it is bittersweet to me that he is perhaps slightly more toddler than little baby at this point, I am also excited with each new milestone he reaches.
Noah is an extremely pleasant and content baby. His name means peace and he lives up to that perfectly. He is so much fun to hold and snuggle with, and he truly oozes sweetness. His face is angelic. There are no better words to describe it. As he is growing into his little person, I have caught glimpses of his calm and patient nature, with a healthy dose of pure joy. He is extremely strong; the kind of strength that sometimes surprises me and makes me think of a bulldozer, or the gentle giant. I am guessing he'll be the strong silent type :)
I adore his preciousness and the time I get to be with him. I really feel stress and anxiety melt away when I can simply hold and snuggle him. Noah babbles, cruises around furniture, climbs, loves sticks and mud, loves music, and even sticks his chubby little arms in the air to dance. He also loves to eat, and that is not reserved for food alone.  He loves all the attention his siblings give him, and truly impresses me with the amount of patience he seems to have for his 2 wild brothers right above him. If I had to describe him in a few words, I would say: sweet, adorable, cuddly, peaceful, strong, and perfect :) What a beautiful blessing he is to our family.
God bless you my darling Noah. Can't wait to see what this next year holds for you.