Always enough

I was reading a bible story to the kids the other day about the prophet Elijah. The story is about a woman who was starving and only had one handful of meal and a few drops of oil, just enough to make one cake of bread for her and her son. They were facing desperate times. Elijah comes and asks for them to share their food with him. At first, she's bothered that he would even ask, given the circumstances. But when she realizes he is a prophet, she decides to follow her conscience and make him something to eat. When she does, she finds that even though she used the last handful of meal, there is still one more handful at the bottom of the jar. Just enough for one more meal. It becomes clear that God blesses her with always just enough to feed her and her son, and anyone else He sends to them.

I was thinking about this and it dawned on me. That is exactly how God blesses me. He always provides the exact amount of what I need for each day; not more, and not less. I give everything I have to these kids of mine (though not always with out complaining, I must add), and at the end of the day when I think there is just no more of me to give; how will I ever be able to get up and do all of that again tomorrow? I do. I get up. The day rolls on. It unfolds and unravels. Sometimes it is wonderful and fun and exhilarating. Other days it is plain hard, grueling, and exhausting work. But either way, what I have to give to my kids is always just enough. I can only believe that this is God's grace moving, nudging, guiding, carrying me. On my own, I am a mess. There is no better word to describe it. I am overwhelmed easily, do not love chaos, however, I do love orderliness, calm, quiet, alone time. Yeah, that is not my life these days. Not even close. I have never been a morning person. And no, having kids has not made me one. There is a lot of commotion over here. A lot of noise. A lot of mess. God knows all that about me. He knows exactly what kind of person I am. And still, He called me to this life. He blessed me in ways I could have never thought up. He did not bring me to this crazy, beautiful life because He knew I had what it takes. No, He did it because He wanted to give me what it takes. He wants to be my strength. It is precisely in my weaknesses that His strength shines through.  He has stripped me bare, and given me a new name.

While I have never been able to fully trust anyone or anything, I am now faced with the reality that I must trust Him. I still haven't really learned that lesson though. I cannot count the number of times I lay down at night feeling like I didn't do enough for my family, or regretting the mistakes I made, or doubting that I will be able to meet everyone's needs the next day. But each and every day, even though its not easy, I do get out of bed. I never have extra, and it always looks like today will use up all I have. But thankfully, in His loving mercy for me and my family, He always gives us just what we need; enough to keep me on my knees, yet enough to meet the needs of this family. His grace always gets us through each day. Somehow, its always enough.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
-2 Corinthians 12:9