Growing towards God

Growing hurts. I remember getting growing pains in my legs as a kid. Its a painful process to grow because change is painful. Sometimes I have wondered why I can't feel God's love for me. What I really want is to feel all the good feelings of being loved; the gentle breeze, comforting embrace, the healing warmth of His presence. But when I think about it, I can feel His love for me. The process of changing and growing me into the person He wants me to be is His love for me. Its really not at all like the gentle, comforting feelings I want to feel. If it was, I might get stuck in my current state and never become transformed. But a transformation of myself is exactly what I need, and because God is all good and all perfect, and Perfect Love itself, He chooses to transform me and conform me to His will. And it is a painful process. I can sometimes literally feel the breaking down of my own will and the binding up of my wounds. Surgery is a painful process too. It is gruesome and messy; and the healing process is not an easy road, but it is the only road. I think that process is not so different from what God does in our souls. I can't yet say that I like it, but I accept it. I accept the crosses He chooses for me because I do know that He is all good and will always choose what is best. And what is more, is that He never leaves me. He leads me when I am walking through the dark. He provides for me and blesses me when I am in the depths of my own despair. 

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[d]
    I fear no evil;
for thou art with me;
    thy rod and thy staff,
    they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
thou anointest my head with oil,
    my cup overflows.

Psalm 23: 4-5

I have prayed many times to God begging Him to let me know His love for me. He has answered that prayer, but differently than I imagined. His love hurts. But it is also incredibly sweet. I am not sure that I can properly explain just how sweet His love is. The only analogy I can come up with pales in comparison to the reality of it, but this side of Heaven, I think it is an excellent one. I would use the analogy of pregnancy, labor, and birth. The process of pregnancy is uncomfortable at best. From the morning sickness to the stretching and loosening of all the different joints and ligaments, then the expanding and growing belly, again painfully stretching and changing. Then the labor begins and it grows and increases and intensifies until the final moments of birth! All this pain for an incredibly wonderful, precious, eternal, and unrepeatable tiny soul. The mere feelings of this moment are indescribable. The most precious and perfect moments I have ever felt have been the moments of holding and seeing my new baby for the first time, and sharing that moment with my husband. All the pain, growing, stretching, changing, is all so incredibly worth it! I can only imagine that those moments are a shadow of our glorious births into Heaven. All the pain and growing and changing and stretching we must do here on earth are in order to bring us to that final and eternal life. God our Father will embrace us and hold us and welcome us there. Just as I look upon my newly birthed child, will God look upon each one of us. 

The difficulties and suffering we may have to endure here on earth are beyond worth it when compared to the glorious goodness of eternity with God. And just like there is always suffering in the love that God pours out for us, there is also always sweetness and joy in the suffering that God chooses for us. When we finally stop fighting against God's ways, choose to seek Him rather than the world,  and simply accept all that He gives, in many ways, it becomes almost easy and sweet to endure the hard things in life. And the joys are that much more incredible. This must be what He meant about His burden being light. 

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

 We cannot know the mind of God, nor can we often understand His ways. But that is why He constantly reminds us to keep our minds on Him, and commands us in Scripture to have no fear and to trust Him, for He is all good and desires what is best for us. He is perfect love and will be with us always, loving us and providing for all our needs.

10 fear not, for I am with you,
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.

Isaiah 41:10