Sorry for a ridiculous amount of Noah-pictures, but seriously, can you blame me?!
There is a dichotomy in my mind about kids growing up. On the one hand, I love seeing all they are becoming capable of. I love seeing them change into the people they will one day become. I love seeing them learn and grow. On the other hand, I feel like time goes by too fast.
It takes my breath away sometimes when I look at my daughters and see how stunningly beautiful they have become. They are not babies anymore. Those adorable roly poly appendages have been replaced by long slender arms and legs that run, dance, jump, skip, ride bikes, etc, No longer are they OK with food all over their cherub little faces. They care about their appearance and take a bit of time to get ready in the mornings. They are becoming more and more like young ladies, and amazingly, they get more beautiful by the day.
What's more though, is that they are truly, and wonderfully helpful. My heart melts when they do something that their bodies might not be big enough to do with perfect grace, but that their hearts have been moved to do, like when Gianna or Joey try to calm a crying baby Noah by walking him around. Gianna has occasionally been found doing dishes or making my bed on her own accord. Stella has been especially helpful with Noah these days. Just this morning, she heard him wake and got him out of bed and into the living room with some toys. It was like she didn't skip a beat. Dominic has been a tremendous help with the two little boys. He has the most compassionate and caring heart of anyone I know. He loves to play with his little 4 and 2 year old brothers. He rarely loses his patience with them, and has been quick to ask what he can do to help me out when he sees things are getting overwhelming to me. Often, I look at him and see a handsome young man. No longer a baby or even a little boy, but a young man. He has an intriguing mind and asks questions both academic and spiritual that are already well beyond me.
Sorry for another long line of pictures, but hey, I am a mom and every mom has the right to be sappy about her kids, so here it goes anyways!
Even though my older three are all so much bigger than they were a few short years ago, they are at the same time still so little. In the older three, despite how independent they really are, I still see those baby-faces from time to time, and when they are sleeping, I think my heart might explode from the sheer preciousness of every one of them. Its when they are sleeping that I can't see them as anyone other than the precious little baby they once were. But those little glimpses of who they are growing into can shock me for an instant, and get me to recognize the future that is right around the corner. I gladly welcome their help here these days, and its good to see how, despite my faults and failings, the kids are still growing up exceptionally well.
Its the way of life. Children grow and change. Its beautiful and good. Over all, I appreciate and love these changes, but every once in a while, I find myself missing the time when they were all just babies and we had no duties other than to play and cuddle together, and I wonder, did I appreciate it enough then? Did I take advantage of the time I could spend just holding them? I am sure I did not. Do we ever really realize how precious each moment is, until it passes? Well, I am going to hug that big 9 and a half year old boy today, and the next, and the next... and I will not let go until he does. And I am going to hold and cuddle my 15 month old baby boy as much as I am possibly able to, and I won't complain when he wakes up to nurse at night, but instead, take that opportunity to savor his preciousness and hold him close...because I know, it doesn't last forever, and I know I will never regret not getting that laundry folded or that kitchen cleaned or that curriculum perfected. But I WILL regret not savoring their childhood and babyhood; not hugging them enough; not taking the time to stop what I am doing and watch them or listen to them, because I am so busy doing, what? Other more important things? There is a place for doing "other important things", to be sure! And as more kids have come into this family, and they have gotten older, there are so so many important things that do need to get done. But I dare say, nothing will ever be more important than taking the time to love my kids and guide them to Jesus. I am so fickle sometimes, and I forget easily. But with God's grace, I pray that I will remember to keep my priorities straight.
In my journey as a mother, I have been learning the importance of the art of living in the moments. Enjoy the present, because it will be gone too soon. The future is good and beautiful too, but if you focus on it, or the past, it will rob you of the present, which is always the most beautiful. Many Saints have said that the key to happiness is to be thankful, and to always live in the present. Through motherhood, God shows me how incredibly true that is.
