I think that it is common for people to assume that pregnancy must be easy for me. Why else keep having babies, right? I often get funny or questioning looks from people when they find out we are expecting our 7th child. They seem unsure of how to respond. Should they congratulate us? Express concern? Give us their advice? Ignore it? Question our sanity? I have gotten all of these responses in some way or another, especially this time around. I think they assume that if I am having all these babies, I must be "super woman", or at least find pregnancy fun and easy. Neither of those is true in the least. I am far, far from super woman, and I actually find pregnancy to be some of the hardest times in my life. I am not "cut out" to mother one child let alone 7, and pregnancy is the pits for me. During those 9 months I have a love/hate relationship with food and smells, I do not have "the glow", I have NO energy at any point, patience becomes even more difficult for me than normal, and I am emotionally kind of a wreck. So why put myself through that so many times, one may ask? Why not take the easier path? Two kids is enough, right? I have done my duty and can check it off my list.
The reason I don't think that way is because, I know there is something bigger than me. Because children are not something I am owed, or something I deserve. They are not something to acquire or check off a list of things to do in life. Because my comfort level is not the most important thing, or the thing that ultimately brings happiness. Because it is simply not about me. Each and every one of these kids is an incredible blessing and an eternal soul...an infinitely greater good than all of the difficulty that comes with bringing them into the world. Simply incomparable. The question for us personally has become, why wouldn't we have another? There are certainly good reasons to postpone having children for a time or even indefinitely, but I talk about my thoughts on that in another post. Each new child has been an incredible blessing to me, my husband, and my children. But even more importantly, they have a unique and important place in God's perfect plan. The Saints are wonderful examples of people who live their lives for something far greater than themselves, and take the visibly harder path. And yet, they were truly full of peace and joy.
From a personal perspective, I will say that I have always been prone to emotional lows, and just being very sensitive to emotions in general. Pregnancy does make that tougher. But it also does something to my spiritual life that doesn't happen as readily when I am not pregnant. Perhaps it is the sudden realization that without His grace, I am literally a mess and incapable of ANYTHING! Of course, that's true at all times, but it becomes strikingly clear when I am pregnant. I am convinced that God uses our faults, shortcomings, and weaknesses more readily than our strengths, if we let Him. In some of my more rough moments I have bitterly said, "God must like it when I am a mess. He wants me to be sitting here feeling sick as a dog, and having to ask my kids for help." And though I said those words while pouting, there is some very real truth in them. When I am in need, God comes to me. Its then that I finally allow Him to comfort and care for me. When I am feeling overwhelmed or sick or incapable, I cannot micromanage my life or the lives of my kids. Its impossible. The more kids I have had, the more true that has become. I am forced to pay attention to only those things that really matter. I start to spend more time with my kids and ask more meaningful questions of them. I desire more meaningful time with my husband. I worry less about the state of our house, and more about the state of our souls. I crave more family time and more time spent with God. It is in my personality to try to control all details of every little goings-on in my house. But in case you are wondering how a mom of a family of 8 "does it all", I will let you in on a little secret...I don't. I can't. It is truly God's grace working in and through us, that allows things to happen at all. I have come to realize, through tears and hard work, that God is THE only way. We don't function in quite the same way as a family with two or three kids. I cannot be the only person who does all the chores. I cannot be the only one who remembers all the little things, and I cannot be the only eyes or hands in the house. Trust me. It's a real grace that I literally can't do it all without help, because if I could, I would. We all work together, according to our stage in life or place in the family. It is definitely a learning curve for them and me. I have to teach them how to do things, then be ok with letting them do it and mess it up a few times. I have to be ok with my littlest getting comfort from a big brother or sister every once in a while, or getting dressed by them, which doesn't always turn out the way I would have done it. I have to be ok with a less than perfectly clean house. I have to be ok with some days being completely not how I planned it, and I have to be ok with finding the peace and joy in the moment; being content with things, just as they are. Because some days, actually most days, are just that way. And perhaps most importantly, I have to be ok with accepting and asking for help. It is a day to day, sometimes moment to moment sacrifice and laying down of my will that I have to allow. All these things are a major work in progress for me. But God's grace makes them possible. He DOES provide. Sometimes this all overwhelms me. But I will choose to trust that He will continue to provide, just as He always has, even when I was less aware of it. Choosing to trust God. Its simple really, while at the same time, the hardest thing in my life. But it is a (moment to moment) choice. He is teaching me, and growing me, and allowing me to mess up, and having patience with me in the process. I try to remember all this in training up my own kids.
So when people wonder, or even dare to ask, "when are you going to stop having kids?" my answer is simply, "God only knows." I will choose to do my best in prayerfully considering His will in all things, loving the family He has given me, following the teachings of His church, and trusting that He is guiding all of this in His perfect wisdom and love.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.
1 Timothy 2:15
